Reality has taught me how completely neurotic my sense of it was, however. (I had to pause watching a mom challenge her sons to a race home from the bus stop; she is on foot running in sandals and jeans and they are on bikes. She just wants to have fun with them. My mom would do that to this day. It makes me feel better seeing that.) So, I can even see my own neurosis from a scene like that. I think like the boys must be thinking...how fun, I'm going to beat mom, then what if she wins? No fair! She's bigger. And if she loses? Did you let me win? With me, it seems, nobody wins. Boy, maybe those boys don't think like that. I've gotten to this point where I think reality is exactly what happens in my head and it sadly is not. When things go contrary to reality, I freak out and surrender control of my thoughts and emotions.
Poor Kent. He's been getting the brunt of it all, lately. Just the other day we were house sitting for some friends and watching their dogs (I would take care during the day and Kent would stay the night there. We took shifts, in a way.) So I was there and was tired, trying to nap in the other room and I heard him walk in. I thought "Great, we can hang out." But I wanted to make sure that was his thought so I waited, and waited. I could hear him doing anything he could other than come let me know he was there. Finally I walked out a little frustrated and asked "Why didn't you come find me?" He said that he wanted to let me sleep since he knew I was tired. I then threw out my typical "You aren't thoughtful," and he, his typical retort "You don't understand." (Man, we really are a pair.) The moral I learned is this: he is very thoughtful (he wanted me to get rest) but he just didn't do what I had built up in my mind as the thoughtful thing to do. So, there are all kinds of thoughtful and I have to accept them all, be they my idea of thoughtful or not. Kent has also learned that I really do understand, I just don't understand how he thinks I should understand.
It's strange that we can both speak English and yet say things that mean nothing until translated.
I'm learning that I can't be disappointed when reality isn't what I have built up in my head, starting with accepting that I'm lucky if 50% of the world like or agree with me. Also, relationships, even when...no, especially when you are in love, don't make life any easier. Often they make it harder. But, if it's worth it, the challenge just aids in bringing on the love. Oh yeah, and good conversations always come after a disagreement/fight, when the humility finally sets in.
All the love. Matt
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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